We live in a world in which the lines between personal and professional, or private and public, are being blurred in powerful and significant ways. And I, for one, am learning to benefit from these wider categories. (Though, sometimes, I find it all a little intimidating.)
Just years ago, there were things that no one talked about in “polite company” (whatever that means) – not your love affairs or your recent medical tests or your excitement over landing a new job. But thanks to everyday bloggers and other forms of self-publishing, anyone can have a platform – even if it’s just your Facebook profile, where you comment on which child has come down with a cold this week, or your Twitter feed, where you like to wax philosophical about current events or the new restaurant on the edge of town.
Privacy Vs. Secrecy; And Sharing as a Way to Connect
Last week, Oprah Winfrey dedicated an entire episode to telling the world about her recent discovery that she has a half-sister who she never knew existed. She was candid and vulnerable about what this meant for her relationships with the sister, her mother, and her new-found niece and nephew. And she was quick to point out that she chose to do the episode because there’s nothing more powerful than owning your truth. (Indeed, she could have let the tabloids and news shows tell her story – or their versions of it. But to maintain the power over your life and its truths, you need to be the mouthpiece for your own stories.)
Sure, there are things that we don’t need to tell the world (and plenty of things the world doesn’t want to know about us). But I find it liberating that we live in an era in which strangers are connecting every day, where we’re loosening up our definitions of “friendship” to let more people into our lives, where the kind of silence that used to be respected as a preference for “privacy” is now sometimes criticized as “secrecy.” That last one can be a double-edged sword, indeed, but I – for one – don’t ever want to go back to a time when families whisper the word “cancer” or when we disown our adult children for their failed marriages or when we suffer in silence when dealing with a financial strain that could be alleviated if we would only reach out for the insights of others.
Just years ago, there were things that no one talked about in “polite company” (whatever that means) – not your love affairs or your recent medical tests or your excitement over landing a new job. But thanks to everyday bloggers and other forms of self-publishing, anyone can have a platform – even if it’s just your Facebook profile, where you comment on which child has come down with a cold this week, or your Twitter feed, where you like to wax philosophical about current events or the new restaurant on the edge of town.
Privacy Vs. Secrecy; And Sharing as a Way to Connect
Last week, Oprah Winfrey dedicated an entire episode to telling the world about her recent discovery that she has a half-sister who she never knew existed. She was candid and vulnerable about what this meant for her relationships with the sister, her mother, and her new-found niece and nephew. And she was quick to point out that she chose to do the episode because there’s nothing more powerful than owning your truth. (Indeed, she could have let the tabloids and news shows tell her story – or their versions of it. But to maintain the power over your life and its truths, you need to be the mouthpiece for your own stories.)
Sure, there are things that we don’t need to tell the world (and plenty of things the world doesn’t want to know about us). But I find it liberating that we live in an era in which strangers are connecting every day, where we’re loosening up our definitions of “friendship” to let more people into our lives, where the kind of silence that used to be respected as a preference for “privacy” is now sometimes criticized as “secrecy.” That last one can be a double-edged sword, indeed, but I – for one – don’t ever want to go back to a time when families whisper the word “cancer” or when we disown our adult children for their failed marriages or when we suffer in silence when dealing with a financial strain that could be alleviated if we would only reach out for the insights of others.
I’m a connector. I am logged into Facebook and LinkedIn every day. I have two e-mail accounts, three phone numbers, a Twitter feed, a Skype account, and a penchant for attending networking events. There are many things that I do not know, but two things that I know for sure: 1. I am more likely to learn about and conquer my areas of ignorance and fear if I connect to others. 2. My life is simply richer and more joyful when I am interacting with others versus turning inward.
A Caveat
To be able to have anything meaningful to say to others, we must first understand ourselves. So I’m not suggesting we spend all our time at parties, ballgames, or business mixers. The time we spend alone is incredibly valuable -- for our intellectual and spiritual growth, and for our overall physical and emotional well-being. I try to find some time each day to just be. To breathe deeply. To get lost in a beautiful sound – like the ducks flapping their way to a water landing on the pond behind my house, or a restful instrumental song on the radio. To do something that stretches my mind – like writing a poem, or a blog entry, or reading a chapter of a great book while soaking in a bubble bath.
Becoming an Open Book (Literally)
This year, I am taking on the challenge of purposefully blurring the lines between the self who likes to listen to backyard wildlife and the self who puts on a business suit to speak at professional conferences. And, no, I’m not going on a speaking tour to talk about ducks. Well, not exactly.
In a few months, I’ll be unveiling a book of poetry entitled The Other Side of Demure. It contains recent work, as well as pieces that I’ve written throughout my 20-year career as a writer. It is – as is most poetry or short fiction – a kaleidoscope of truth, fantasy, wonders, and observations. While there are many poems in which the speaker (voice) is not the author – or at least not entirely – she’s in there. These are poems that could not have been written by anyone but me, so I have to face the vulnerability of letting a reading public into my life in this way.
Once the ISBN is registered and the book is available for purchase, bits of my personal life will become public in a way that I can never take back. The idea invigorates me, and scares me silly.
So, Maybe You’re Not a Writer
Not everyone will write a book, or release an album, or offer up their words or art in a very public way. But we can all find a project that challenges us to be more authentic, more vulnerable, more introspective, and ultimately more supportive and welcoming of the people around us.
Ask yourself what you can do this year that would make you better connected to your family or friends; better connected to your colleagues or even your competitors; better connected to strangers who live on the other side of the world. Maybe you’ll offer helpful words to a stranger when her car breaks down and she seems overwhelmed by it all. Maybe you’ll make a donation to a micro-financing organization to help a family start a business in a third-world country. Maybe you’ll post a comment to an online magazine, where your perspectives will make others reevaluate their own thinking. Maybe you’ll raise your hand to ask a question the next time you find yourself in the audience of a town hall meeting.
Peel away just one layer of self-protective anonymity in the name of reaching out to others. You might be surprised by how much more whole you feel without that shell, and how much warmer it is when you’re just a little more bare.
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