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Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Learning to Live … Every Minute

Carpe diem. Even if you haven’t seen “Dead Poets Society,” the phrase has become cliché. We use the expression when justifying another piece of chocolate cake or buying an impulse item because it’s on sale. We’ve forgotten what it really means to “seize the day” (or, as the poet Horace might have more literally meant, “to pluck and make use of”). And who am I to argue the meaning of old Latin aphorisms? Well, I’m just an ordinary woman who thinks we’ve lost touch with the extraordinary qualities of the average day – that we’ve forgotten how to live each moment to its fullest. If you can forgive me my lack of credentials on the topic, read on. I might have something interesting to say.

Whether we’re actively wishing our lives away (a la “Is it Friday yet?”) or just going through the motions each day, a little numb and without much sense of deliberation, the vast majority of us have lost touch with the value of each year, month, week, day, minute.

Why Not NOW?

If you haven’t taken the time to read Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now, download it on your Kindle or pick up a copy at your local library or bookstore. This 1997 bestseller (which adorns the bookshelves of millions of readers) really got me thinking about slowing down – about being more “present” in my life and my interactions with others. I knew while reading it that I will need to read it again – perhaps three times before I’ll be able to really incorporate its lessons into my life in a meaningful way. But I think it will be worth the time to read it again.

Why is a book by a “spiritual leader” so wildly popular? Maybe it’s because there is a deep and palpable need in our communities to be more connected. Maybe it’s because, in our quest to “find” the perfect house, the perfect leather couch, the perfect mate, the perfect job, and the perfect pair of peak-toe pumps, we have lost ourselves.

Every day, I hear someone talk about what they are going to do “someday.” (And sometimes, that someone is me.) We all know that person who is going to visit Hawaii “someday” and the friend who is going to buy themselves a sports car “one of these days” and the neighbor who has a list of books she is going to read “when she gets around to it.” Who are we trying to kid? Why not NOW?

What horrible atrocities might befall us if we booked a flight to Hawaii tomorrow? Or made a down payment on the Audi TT this Saturday? Or spent an entire day, in yoga pants, reading an indulgent novel next Tuesday? I, for one, think the world is not likely to stop spinning on its axis if we turn “one day” into today.

How Will You Use Your Hours?

A few months ago, I had the pleasure of hearing a keynote address from Harry Kraemer, the inspiring leader who served as CEO of Baxter Laboratories and who recently published a book entitled From Values to Action: The Four Principles of Values-Based Leadership. And I learned something fascinating. I learned that it’s possible to be “successful” by the American business standards and also be a great spouse, an engaged parent, and a compassionate friend. And I learned about the power of 168.

Kraemer is a mathematician and his favorite number is 168. It’s the number of hours in a week. He reminds us that no matter how hard you try, you can’t increase that allowance. All you get is 168. Which got me thinking about the choices we make, and the impact it has on our lives.

Spend an hour arguing with someone on the phone … Now you’re down to 167.

Invest an evening watching a really bad movie … 165.

Worry for an hour about something you can’t control … 164.

Lose 5 hours this week to the commute … 159.

Go golfing instead of spending time with your kids … 155.

Attend two meetings where you accomplish nothing … 152.

Before you know it, there’s barely time left to sleep. And there certainly isn’t time left for the things that really matter.

What Matters to Me

If you were to follow me around, most days, with an audio recorder, you’d hear me muttering about the truly mundane. About “commitments,” “schedules,” “meetings,” “appointments,” “reports,” “paperwork,” “e-mail back-logs,” “strategy briefs” and “what will we eat for dinner?” Fascinating stuff, to be sure.

But the soundtrack of my subconscious is so much more inspired. She’s thinking about what really matters to me. I should listen to her. She’s pretty wise.

What matters is that I live more fully. That I have great love in my life, true friendships, soul-lifting laughter, and more smiles than I can count. What matters is that my life has more meaning and less “busy-ness.”

I’m not about to suggest that we can or should lose focus on how we’ll pay the mortgage or live up to the reasonable commitments in our lives, but I do think some of those commitments could be abandoned. I believe it’s possible to live each day and each hour with more vigor and less worry. I believe that we run the risk of “what if”-ing ourselves into not living our lives to the fullest.

What if we take too many vacations and don’t have enough money in our bank accounts when we’re dead? What if my friends think I’m crazy for adopting another puppy? What if I fall asleep on this chaise lounge? What if he doesn’t love me back?

As of this moment, I have been alive for nearly 14,000 days. But I probably have fewer than 100 truly “amazing moment” memories. This realization makes me sad; every day is worth remembering.

So I’m going to take Horace’s advice to go “pluck and make use of” my days.

I’m going to love more deeply and widely. I will laugh with reckless abandon. I will discover more, and revel more, and feel more. I will delight in the new and find joy in the now. I will see, and hear and smell and taste live more fully.

Will you?